


Everything He Didn't Say

by velmastwin



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Changbin pov, Gen, Inspired by Music, M/M, Oneshot, by 5sos, cliffhanger??, everything I didn't say, loosely based off of, sadboi changbin, this is my first thing in awhile pls read, w a diary!! haha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 04:54:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17114861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velmastwin/pseuds/velmastwin
Summary: "I never meant for things to end up this way... please, read this." And he hands over his book. With that, he walked off, leaving Hyunjin alone with Changbin's deepest, most secret feelings.





	Everything He Didn't Say

Seo Changbin was a mess; he was sure of that. He held back from doing the things that made him happy out of embarrassment, and he was quick to anger. Changbin felt as if he didn't know himself sometimes, what with his mood swings. Most of the time, he thought that he knew only one thing, and that was that he was captivated by Hwang Hyunjin, the boy who lived in not only his apartment complex but was also his friend of a year. Liking his best friend just added to Changbin's stress, but he suppressed that as much as he could. That was his way of dealing, he kept things in until he burst, usually pouring his feelings into a slick, black book he had. The book, thick with writings and memento's, was Changbin's most prized possession, mainly because it held all of the emotions that Changbin was too embarrassed to show. Like a diary.

He used it nearly everytime he hung out with Hyunjin. Even short moments, exchanging greetings. Every second with Hyunjin made Changbin's heart beat harder, but the latter was too bruised to let the other know of his feelings. He was mean, meaner than he was to his other friends, to Hyunjin to not raise suspicion. It wasn't a great plan, but Changbin wasn't a great problem solver, and that was how he chose to fix things internally.

When Hyunjin was excited by something, Changbin would shut him down immediately. Once, Hyunjin had hugged Changbin out of excitement, which left the elder surprised. He stayed in Hyunjin's embrace only for a couple seconds before he pushed the boy off of him, shutting down. For the rest of the night afterward, Changbin practically ignored Hyunjin; he grunted in response to the conversation, glared any time the two of them made eye contact, he did not want Hyunjin to talk to him anymore after that. When he went home, he crashed into his bed and dug his diary out from under his mattress, flipping open to where he had left off. After writing the date, Changbin had poured all of his feelings into the pages, his cheeks heating up again as he recalled how it felt to have Hyunjin's arms around him. It made Changbin's whole body warm and fuzzy feeling, and at the time, he was afraid that Hyunjin could hear the pounding of his heart. He then berated himself, wishing he would tell the boy how he felt instead of just pushing him away. 

For Hyunjin's birthday, Changbin had ordered a bouquet of flowers to be delivered to Hyunjin's apartment. Beautiful red roses, with a tiny note card right in the middle. The note read 'Happy Birthday, beautiful.' and nothing else. Nothing made Changbin seem like he had sent it out, but he still beat himself up after the birthday party for even risking the chance that Hyunjin would find out. In his diary, Changbin had written that he loved the smile on Hyunjin's face as he read his note.

There were countless other instances just like those that occurred over the year that they knew each other. Changbin was extremely hot and cold, but even more so with Hyunjin.

The last time he had seen Hyunjin, Changbin had royally screwed up. At first, it was just a regular day. He was hanging out with Hyunjin in the boy's apartment, playing games with him. His bag sat by his feet between him and Hyunjin, and out of boredom, he had begun to dig his hands in Changbin's bag. His controller forgotten in his lap, he hummed quietly. "Say, hyung, what do you even keep in here?"

Changbin had stiffened, looking down at Hyunjin, "Nothing important, Hyunjin. Why do you care?" Changbin sighed inwardly noticing how the shift in his tone made the other boy frown. "Hey--" He rolled his eyes, reaching down to grab his bag from Hyunjin's hands, which at the moment, were pulling Changbins book out.

"And this? You're always so secretive about this. Is it a diary, hyung?" Hyunjin was only teasing, and deep down, Changbin knew that, but seeing his crush begin to pry open his book of feelings, Changbin went crazy with nerves. "Hm? Keeping secrets in here?"

"Hey, don't touch that," Changbin warned, reaching to take his book back, but Hyunjin had begun to lean away from Changbin, opening it. "Hey!" His voice raised as he snatched his book from Hyunjin, his hands shaking. The anxiety had flipped a switch for Changbin, and he had accidentally begun ranting to Hyunjin about him. "God, Hyunjin, don't you listen? I asked you not to touch my shit. You know that pisses me off."

Hyunjin frowned, his arms crossed over his chest. "Everything pisses you off, hyung. I was joking around with you."

"I don't care! You're so stupid sometimes, Hyunjin. So stupid." At that point, Changbin was stuffing his book bag into his bag, standing up. His anger was fueled by anxiety, and he couldn't see how he was overreacting. 

"Hyung, I didn't mean to upset you--" Changbin had scoffed, glaring down at Hyunjin from where he sat on the floor. "But you did, even after I so blatantly warned you. How are you so careless? Always messing with me, trying to pry into my life. Hasn't it hit you that if I don't want you to know about me by now that I probably never will?" He ended his rant panting, his nerves unwinding and new ones building. He focused on Hyunjin again, and what he saw had made Changbin freeze. Tears had welled up in Hyunjin's eyes, his bottom lip just barely wobbling. "I..." He began, but couldn't get anything out, a tear falling down his cheek.

"I need to go," Changbin muttered, and then left quickly. That was three weeks ago, and Changbin was still angry about it. But not at Hyunjin, at himself for how he treated the situation. His diary had pages dedicated solely to Hyunjin and how Changbin wished he could go back. Every time he saw Hyunjin in the lobby, Hyunjin would find a way to escape before Changbin could even think of approaching him. It only made Changbin more upset with himself.

After another week, Changbin finally swallowed his pride and made his way to Hyunjin's dance studio, the one place Changbin knew the other would be. With shaky hands and a pounding heart, Changbin walked into the studio slowly, watching as Hyunjin spots him through the mirrors and he stops in the middle of his dance, his face falling. Changbin bites his lip and steps farther in, closer to Hyunjin.  
"I never meant for things to end up this way... please, read this." And he hands over his book. With that, he walked off, leaving Hyunjin alone with Changbin's deepest, most secret feelings.


End file.
